What does it really mean to be a “good mom?”

I think we all aspire as parents to do better than our parents did. To take the good things they gave us and change the things we didn’t like growing up. I grew up in a house without much co-parenting, and DadingWITHOUTanxiety and I always talked about how we wanted to be a united front with our kids when we had them. (It’s us versus them we can’t show weakness!)

We are liberal millennial parents, and we have to factor in gun safety, diversity, consent, sexual preference and identity (to be discussed in later blog posts), and teach them about strangers and personal safety. We as parents know it’s a scary world, but it’s a hard pill to swallow to take away the innocence of a child and show them the world is not always a safe place. I feel like that is one of the hardest jobs as a parent.

I think every parent aspires to be a “good” mom or dad- but what does that really mean? Is just loving your child unconditionally enough? Is it a checklist that society gives us, or is it fluid and subject to interpretation?

I think being a good parent means always feeling like you aren’t doing enough. Having days where you feel like you lost your temper, didn’t take the kids for ice cream like you promised them you would because you were too tired or busy, where you yelled too much or hugged too little. There are many days I feel like we ask too much of Biggie as a big brother. When I feel bad because we didn’t get to do that one fun thing we talked about doing.

But then I think- isn’t this what it means to be a mom? Aren’t we always feeling like we don’t do enough, hug enough, like we aren’t enough? If the goal is to always do more and be better at a job that doesn’t give you a handbook and nothing can prepare you for, isn’t that all we can do? Being a good parent means you never give up. That you give the best of yourself every day. That you pick your battles and give them their small moments of independence when you can. That you do what’s best for them, not what’s easiest for you. That we realize raising kids is FUCKING HARD and we are doing the best we can. Love them unconditionally, try not to strangle them, and raise them to be good people. And try to keep some small modicum of sanity while we do it.

So here’s to all of us striving to be good moms and dads. You got this.

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