The sound of silence.

So DadingWITHOUTanxiety made it home, albeit 5+ hours late thanks to flight delays. He’s home and life is attempting to go back to normal. I ended up having to get a prescription for my stomach issues last week, and she thought they were caused from stress, not a virus. My stomach hasn’t hurt since he got home, and I think my insides are back to normal. It’s crazy, the physical reaction my body had from the stress and break in our normal family routine, but that is how my body works so I guess I just have to accept it and move on. Sounds good on paper, doesn’t it?

I was also taking my backup anxiety medicine this past week again. I haven’t had to touch those in months. Cliff notes version: he’s never allowed to leave again. It isn’t good for my health, I have documentation. 🙂

Tonight I went and got an hour foot massage. Just me, my thoughts, and soothing zen music. In that silence I thought about this blog post I was going to go home and write, how Biggie needs more attention away from his brother, and how my anxiety had reared its ugly head again. I was thinking about the extreme stress I found myself under last week and how my body responded to it. The answer- not well. Of course Shark Week decided to come Friday also, which has always been a huge anxiety trigger for me. (I heard someone call it Shark Week once and I am never going back. Get on board, people. Feel free to steal it like I did.)

I realize too how far I have come in being able to recognize when I am struggling. I know now, after the therapy and medication, that this isn’t just “normal me.” It’s insane to me that I used to just live like that every day. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get down on myself, but now I can step outside myself and say “hey bitch, you aren’t doing so hot today, huh?” and recognize that things are not the way they should be.

So many of you have texted me the nicest things in response to my last blog and I appreciate it so much. You told me how you struggle also, and I was being too hard on myself. It meant a lot to me, and I was yet again reminded how therapeutic this blog continues to be.

I’m trying to untangle myself from the stress, which has taken most of the weekend. It’s just a huge reminder also that we have to take care of ourselves. I ended up taking last Friday off of work, and my mom took the kids Thursday night. She was my lifeline, because I was running on empty. Reach out for help, even thought I know it sucks to have to ask. And if someone offers it, accept it! And if you need someone to get a foot massage with you, you know where to find me 🙂

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