Something that has really been on my mind these last few weeks is investing. Not in money (you have to have it to invest and we are broke as a joke y’all), but in people. I have a horrible habit of putting people on pedestals. And, of course, they end up disappointing me. I know it isn’t fair to them to do that, because everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. And they aren’t me, so they are never going to react the same way I do, or do things the same neurotic OCD way that I do them. Sad for them? Pffft, totally.
This is something I have struggled with for years. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I over share, and I pay attention to other people and what’s going on with them. I am a good listener and I try to be there for people. It has been hard to find my tribe that puts in the same effort. I’m not tooting my own horn- I am finally at a place in life where I have some self-worth, and know the things that are important to me and things that make me a good friend.
I think it is this self worth, that I have finally acquired through therapy this past year, that has made me see how much effort I put into people that don’t give it back. Sometimes it’s never texting back, sometimes it’s responding curtly to a friendly email, or someone who doesn’t listen to me when I talk. These are all examples of things that have happened to me, and unfortunately I have a longer list. It used to disappoint me so bad, but now it just makes me angry. Why do I waste so much time and energy on people who don’t really give a fuck? I used to think it was a reflection on me. Now, I know it has everything to do with them.
Life is short. Invest in people who will return it in spades. Let those friendships go that aren’t helping you grow as a person, and are holding you back. Be ok with it, because it isn’t healthy for you to be the one putting in all the effort to keep it going.
You guys, this has taken me YEARS to figure out, and it is so empowering! I still get hurt by it, but my first instinct is to get mad now. The world is so full of negative energy, and if someone turns up their nose to a little bit of kindness and caring, then I’m going to take my investment to a different bank. I would rather be surrounded by just a few people that care, rather than a whole crowd that really doesn’t. Is this a 30’s thing? Someone do a TED talk about this and get back to me.