Dear younger me.

Dear early 20 something me:

Hi, cupcake. It’s me, your 32 year old self. There you sit, somewhere between starting to date Dading at 19 and starting to work at the company you do now. Here’s what you have to look forward to:

You’re going to marry this boyfriend. You’re going to have two beautiful boys and that family you always dreamed about. You did it- you found your other half. You never thought you would but no, you don’t end up alone and lonely. You end up fulfilled in ways you never imagined.

You’re building a house. Yes, you read that right. You are actually getting that dream house to go along with that dream family.

But guess what? You almost lost this man because you thought the grass was greener. You are thankful every day that you came to your senses before it was too late. You learned a hard, ugly truth about yourself that you will hate about yourself for the rest of your life. You learned that you don’t really know what you are capable of until you are in that situation, and sometimes you won’t like the answer. But you also learned that those dark times led to personal growth, and you wouldn’t be the person you are now without them.

You learned that you are strong. You carried two babies inside your body for 10 months. It was hard, so hard sometimes, and you wanted to give up. But you did it- and I don’t want to freak you out but they were BIG babies, to boot. You aren’t as thin as you were in high school, and it sucks, but you have done amazing things with this body and you try every day to love it for what it has given you.

You learned to struggle. Financially, emotionally. You were crippled under the weight of anxiety, and you learned to overcome with an amazing support system. You opened up to the world about it in your blog- yes, you’re a mommy blogger! Surprise! No, we don’t have a mini van despite Dading’s best efforts. By opening up, you found your voice and it helped you grow as a mom, as a person, as a wife.

You learned to say no, you learned to let go of those who didn’t help you grow. It hurt, but you did it. You have experienced loss, you have made tough choices for your family, and you have learned that things can turn out ok, even when it seemed like they were falling apart.

You still wear your heart on your sleeve, and it still blows up in your face sometimes. But you don’t change it- couldn’t if you tried. You still love fiercely and whole heartedly. Your firecracker temper is even worse now, but you own it. You have learned to stand up for yourself, although that one you are still working on. You have learned to do things without the support you sometimes needed, and it has made you stronger.

You have learned to have big dreams. You have figured out what you want to be when you grow up finally, and are working towards that goal right now.

Don’t change a thing, and be excited for the wonderful things that are to come. You are ok- you are loved, you are smart, you are making it. I am really proud of you, and all the things you have done, and the things I know lie ahead for you.

Love, Me.

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