I think Biggie might have anxiety.
I’ve discussed in previous blog posts about being worried about passing anxiety on, and how there is a hereditary component to it. Smalls is too little and frankly too monstrous to be concerned he has anything but the desire to try and kill me with stress.
But Biggie is another story. Biggie is my cautious child. My thinker, my question asker. This past month he has been on and off going through a phase that I have been told is normal for this pre-kindergarten age. He’s trying to be more independent, while also being very clingy. He’s got a teenager attitude in that 5yo head of his sometimes.
Any deviation from the schedule makes him clingy. If we drop him off at a different time in the morning, he cries and doesn’t want us to leave. He spent a different night of the week at Gramma’s instead of the usual Tuesday and he couldn’t deal. He was crying big crocodile tears when we dropped him off, and had to call us before bed and cried when he was dropped off at school the next day.
He has to know the agenda for the day. And he has to ask questions until he understands exactly what we are doing and where we are going for the day. It usually pisses me off because I just told you what we are doing why are you asking me all these questions?! But lately I wonder if that gives him security and eases his anxiety. I’m an OCD planner- maybe he is too? He’s always liked things neat and lined up, even as a little toddler. So I’ve been trying to keep that in mind and really try to lay out what we are going to do on the daily- especially if it’s a change from the usual.
All this makes me feel some kind of way- that maybe he got his anxiety from me. Did seeing me so anxious before I started treatment affect him? Is he really anxious or just 5? (This is our first time going through the 5yo phase so fuck if I know). Is there something more we can be doing to help him? How will this affect him when he starts public school in the fall?
This will be discussed in therapy tomorrow.