Can we social distance from our kids?

Holy fuck these kids are feral, y’all. The only time they are quiet is when they are sleeping- AFTER the bedtime routine which takes 3-5 business days and the last shreds of my sanity. Every other waking second of the day they are screaming like Olaf in Frozen 2 and someone please send me a Samantha because I cannot deal. Oh and here’s a fun little fact- our house has an echo (thank you lovely high ceilings). So imagine Olaf with a megaphone- no, more screaming. Yeah, like that. The dog is so over it he had to go to the vet because he’s on a hunger strike and having stomach issues. Yeah, me to bitch. But without the hunger strike I’m working on that COVID 19.

It’s a complete shit show here, guys. I let them play in a freaking dirty rain puddle today because that is the level of IDGAF we have reached at this point. I swear my neighbors can hear us at their house. (I actually asked them, but they can’t hear shit over the screaming going on at their own house.)

My children are ignoring the social distancing recommendations. Olympic Gold Medal ignoring- they are so far up my vagina I’m going to give birth to them again when this is all over. This time I want 12 weeks maternity leave to Fiji- alone.

I may start faking symptoms so I can quarantine myself in my room. If I get a mini fridge I would never have to leave. Actually not a bad idea…..

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